Since I have been working a lot on the still-life for Advanced Composition, I decided to post what I have up to this point. In class on Wednesday the professor said that it was probably best for us to focus on a painting or picture, because many times we can zoom in on the person’s emotions and feelings. He specifically said that paintings by Michael Angelo were the best. It is interesting because as I wrote my still-life, I realized that anyone can conjure up a specific image in their head of what they are reading. But that conjured up image will most likely be completely different from the way you view the person or the description yourself. Therefore, if I were to post a picture of the person I am describing, many of you would probably ask where I see all those detailed characteristics. But they are there, at least in my eyes they are.
“His small, almond shaped eyes are the key to his identity. They are red and swollen, revealing that he is tired and exhausted. His large, goofy, heartwarming smile however, makes up for his tired appearance. The smile that wrinkles up his entire face, yet manages to make him look manly, attractive, and sensitive. The smile that covers up the small, yet noticeable scar on his right cheek. And the smile that reveals that underneath the joking, goofy personality, there is also a touching and caring character. His distinctive jaw line can set him apart from a large crowd. It is shapely, brawny, and masculine. It is also adorned by a five o’clock shadow. It is that distinctive jaw line that begins the beautiful outline to his short, yet distinguishing form.
His posture is firm, assertive, confident, yet relaxed and laid-back. His hands and arms are his secret weapons. Long fingers, soft palms, and thick wrists reveal that there are secrets contained behind those mysterious hands. Secrets that can only be told through his art and his music.”
Great job so far. Yeah, the trick to any writing is to include only the important details and let readers fill in the rest. That’s probably what he’s going to call you on. Try compressing the “, , and ” sentences into stronger, single descriptors or similies. For example, what’s the overall effect or impression of a guy whose jaw is shapely, brawny, and masculine? That’s what he’ll look for. Good luck on the rest.
-Tom
Whoops, WordPress chewed that comment up. It should have read “this, this, and that” sentences. Sorry about that.